If you bought any of these things as a present for someone, you owe them an apology.
10 non-returnable gifts that are probably worse than anything you’ll get this Christmas
Artificial hymen: $29.95. Your dignity: Priceless.You choose which to keep.The Artificial Hymen Kit, made internationally available by HymenShop.com, promises to “restore your virginity in five minutes.” For about $30, women can buy a packet of fake blood and “membrane” from Hong Kong that’s supposed to be utilized — secretly — during sex.The site implies that the shocking product will save marriages by allowing women to trick their significant others into thinking they still have a hymen.”Kiss your deep dark secret goodbye and marry in confidence,” the site reads. “Have your first night back anytime!”The site also assumes that women are afraid that their hymens can be broken “via physical activity or even by the use of a tampon.”If, for some reason, a brand new hymen sounds appealing to you, don’t get your hopes too high. New York Magazine took the product for a test run, and it seems like the Artificial Hymen Kit serves more as a packet of fake blood than actual flesh.
The Artificial Hymen Kit is exactly what it sounds like: Sealed in silver packages and nestled in a bed of pink satin in a small wooden box, the kit contains two “prosthetic membranes.”We conclude, the “hymen” part of this device is besides the point. What’s to break? It dissolved instantly. But does that matter? I don’t know anyone who’s actually felt a hymen break mid-intercourse, and suspect that those utilizing the artificial hymen in earnest don’t, either.
In some parts of the world, the fake hymen is controversial. Egyptian lawmakers tried to ban a similar product in 2009 after a radio reporter translated the Chinese advertisement for the product into Arabic. While the fake hymen might seem ridiculous to some, virginity, as New York Magazine points out, “can be a literal issue of life and death” in some parts of the world. That said, this particular kit sells primarily to buyers in the United States.
After the baby is born and the cooing in the delivery room begins, parents may do a variety of things with the placenta — maybe take a picture, poke it a bit, or just divert their eyes and let the nurse take it away.
Whatever parents do, it probably wouldn’t match London-based designer Alex Green’s idea of turning the baby’s placenta into a teddy bear.
“It just looks like a brown leather teddy bear and you get closer and say, hmm what strange leather is that,” said Green.
Green claims he was motivated to make the bears to shake up how people think of placenta.
“I was very interested in how it was discarded unceremoniously as medical waste, why it’s discarded and how we could bring it back…” said Green, who thought placentas deserved a symbolic treatment whether they’re saved or not. “It was really about provoking a debate about placentas and how we treat them.”
Indeed placentas get more respect outside of the United Kingdom or United States. The placenta is still eaten in some Chinese medicinal practices for strength, and buried in other religious and cultural traditions. Green said he was inspired after reading that ancient Egyptians revered the pharaoh’s placenta so much they put it on a pole like a flag for public display.
5. Vulva purse
She seems to imply she can fit a lot of gadgets, er, in there.
Claw vending machines, candy cranes, UFO catchers – like all coin op arcade games, you pay your money and you take your chances. When it comes to wacky arcade games offering surprising prizes like these ones, however, some may keep paying until they go bust.
Ever seen those playrooms at McDonalds and IKEA that are filled with balls? Haven’t you wondered what it would be like if they were filled with, say, something a little more adult-oriented?
Well, sure, we all have but that’s not going to happen unless you’re Hugh Hefner. Here’s the next best thing though: a claw vending machine that offers players a chance to grab as many soft, semicircular fleshy objects as they like, albeit with a cold metal claw (brrr!)
Being as that sounds more than a little medieval, let me explain what’s going on here. Instead of cute, harmless stuffed animals or cheap cheesy toys, some Japanese “UFO catcher” claw arcade games are filled with silicone bosoms, and ONLY silicone bosoms. Makes you want to just jump right in, don’t it now?
OK, this is kinda weird, even for Japan. Claw arcade games in the Far East have been known to offer unusual prizes like live crabs or turtles, cigarettes, panties, power drills and packages of American $2 notes – at least somebody wants the latter. These particular machines trump them all – and by the way, what’s the average age of people who visit gaming arcades in Japan?
Now just to clarify, the boobie prizes in question are not medical prostheses, plush toys or pudding cups – the last two of which do actually exist – but instead appear to be stress relief balls. Which is appropriate, finally. Whether real or fake, men raise their stress levels in a near-constant effort to touch bosoms and when they succeed, well, sweet relief ensues. It may be weird, but so’s life it seems.
In case you missed it: she has 5 long glow in the dark teeth. Not in the mood? Slip this on before hopping into bed and when the lights go out you’ll be able to sleep like a baby, uninterrupted and happy as can be.
Vagina Dentata Wont Go Bump in the Night Tonight.
This beautiful piece of body positive jewelry is based of off an unaltered model (the model isnt green with teeth).
This Vagina pendant is hung on a 19″ mother and son gunmetal chain and is coated in a protective satin glaze. The necklace fastens with a brass lobster claw clasp.
The pendant on this necklace measures 1.8″ x 1.5″.
Never made with a mold. Each Vulva pendant is the hand-sculpted clay original. We prefer clay to resin for its fleshy look and texture.
♥Often imitated, never replicated and occasionally lubricated♥
The description for this humongous organ pillow found on the craft website etsy, says it’s “Made with super soft fleece and flannel ovaries, she makes a great cuddle buddy.” Wait a minute — the uterus is a “she”?!
Would you care to cuddle up to a uterus?
Masturbate in your own rooms, or you know, inside a woman in the shower !!!!